"Sometimes I feel like I've lost myself."

I don't know if it's because end of the year is nearing, not so many lessons anymore, promos are way over, or whatever it is, I think my attitude towards everything, esp. my studies, has changed. For the worse. I realised I've lost the drive and I'm not in the mood for school. And having said that, it just proves how apathetic I am towards school. Not in the mood. I don't know what's becoming of me, or maybe it's just a phase that will pass like all others do. I feel utterly ashamed of myself for having such a mindset.

Sometimes I wonder if it's the jc system that I detest or is it just sa alone. I skipped school on Friday, first time in my life please I think, and now I don't even know how to go about writing the parent's letter that my ct wants because I have no experience haha.

"& then I wonder what's happened to those days? Cast your insecurities aside and laugh and play and have all the fun in the world there is to have."

I think the problem lies with me. I am so freaking paranoid, insecure, whathaveyou that it irritates me a hell lot. I can't do this, I can't stop thinking about it. Thoughts just keep flowing, images keep appearing, imagination ran wild.

Sarahj I think you make so much sense. And I know exactly how you feel. I'm quite surprised by how you know who I was referring to. I miss talking to you!

"Sometimes I don't know who I am, sometimes I don't know who you are, sometimes I don't know what's happening. Most times I really just don't know, you know? But then you can't know everything can you?"


I'm so afraid of losing everything that I have.